I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
