i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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