im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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