The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she peed on how many people?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
