I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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