Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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