I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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