Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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