i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
