Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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