I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He felt like a one man threesome
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
