Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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