Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
