You just made me feel so damn special
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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