I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
