i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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