So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
