put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
