i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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