I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
