Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
