I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
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the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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