I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
