Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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