The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
