the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
