my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
