i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
