I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
