I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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