It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
