Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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