my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
