He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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