We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
