I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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