Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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