just come out here and I will go home with you...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Vodka?
Forever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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