he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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