dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
