So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
