margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
is it fun? or sober?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
