Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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