You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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