Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
