First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
