So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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