sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
