we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
