Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
