so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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