Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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