We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
