I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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