I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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