i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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