im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
