dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
