Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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