he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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