You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
