dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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