Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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