I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
