one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
