Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
