it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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