My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
