id be glad to
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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