Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
