i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
