The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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