I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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