she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
