i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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