Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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